July 27, 2008

a public service message to humanity

Posted At : 8:43 PM | Posted By : Katie
Related Categories: Beligerance,Warnings to Others

Just back from cleaning my father-in-law's apartment. A one-bedroom "no big deal" that gobbled up the husband's weekend faster than a 2-year old with Halloween candy. And I scrubbed so hard this afternoon, I can't feel my right arm.

Please take the following under advisement, so as to learn from our experience:

(1) Stop buying random crap you don't need.

(2) Stop hoarding random crap you don't need.

(3) When it's so trashed a homeless shelter wouldn't take it, throw your crap away.

That pretty much covers it.

Oh, except for these:

(4) Clean the crap that spills over on the stove when it happens - don't leave it for someone else 10 years later. Unless they bulldoze/torch/implode your home, someone will have to clean it. And they will be pissed at you. Even if they're your only son who loves you very much - whose wife is making a big show of washing the walls instead of coming over to look/gape in horror/help you out.

(5) Clean your bathroom regularly - don't leave it for someone else 10 years later. Especially if that someone is your only son who loves you very much ... and whose wife is laying flat-out on the floor, staring at the ceiling, mumbling "I'm just working up the courage to go in there ... I'm just working up the courage... Just gimme a minute."

(Little E refused to go in, and he had to pee bad. HIM: "Mom! I gotta go. Please clean it." ME: "Just wash your hands really good afterwards." HIM: "This so totally sucks." ME: "Um, yeah.")

And would someone please explain to me when the last time a 6-year old boy noticed/cared about whether or not something was dirty? This was a truly EPIC situation.

(6) Do NOT take a 10-year old, 7-year old and 6-year old to a one-bedroom old folks' apartment without a TV much less DVD player and expect them to be good for 5.5 hours - even though you let the oldest play his DS for 4 hours of it. (Yes, I said 4 hours. I suck. I know. You would have done the same thing.)

(7) When your husband yells, "I wonder if this crap on the wall by the toilet is really crap..." you really shouldn't laugh. (Thankfully, mine has a good sense of humor.)

THE GOOD NEWS: Uncovered the motherload of chocolate. Dove bars. Hershey bars. Milky Way bars. Chocolate-covered cherries. Skor bars. Reese's peanut butter cups. I ate my weight, man. He's not getting it back. He has diabetes. (And me being a fat-ass with aching arms is how he gets me back for this post, I guess.)

SIDE NOTE FOR SMITHER: Yes, you did see Tim dropping random crap in the office dumpster on Sunday. Sorry about that. "Katie brings value!"

Comments (5) | Print | Send | del.icio.us
Digg It! | Linking Blogs | 224 Views
Comments
[Add Comment]
You're a stunningly awesome daughter-in-law. Also, doesn't it feel reeeaalllly good to throw CRAP away? I have spiritual events whenever I drag huge garbage bags of useless crap to the dumpster (not that it happens regularly, but still).
# Posted By Bill Zahren | 7/28/08 4:28 AM
I laughed so hard when I read this coffee came out my nose. Just out of curiousity, which is worse...a single porta-potty on its third day of a soccer tournament in July or your FIL's bathroom?
# Posted By kmoss | 7/28/08 7:43 AM
Hey Z - no I'm not. TIm is an awesome son. He spent ALL weekend. Hauled everything to storage/dumpsters solo. I was only the cleaning crew for 5.5 hours.

The good news is, he's now 100% on board with my penchant for throwing stuff away.

Why does it feel so good to buy stuff ... and so good to throw stuff away, too? We Americans are seriously f-ed up.
# Posted By katie | 7/28/08 8:43 AM
KMoss - I'd go with the soccer potty on that one. But the FIL's crapper has to be a close second.

The good news: Three of the four lightbulbs were burnt out, so Tim and I only had a dim view of things. Which is normal in most any situation, but more than necessary to make it through nastiness like that without emotional scarring.
# Posted By katie | 7/28/08 8:45 AM
Girls are most afraid of cold feet, particularly in winter, if they are not protect their feet well from cold, it will be easier to affect the health of women. So, choose a pair of warm and comfortable <strong><a href="http://www.ugg24hours.com/ugg-ultra-short-c-7.html... boot</em></a></strong> is very important. It is well-know that <a href="www.ugg24hours.com"><em><strong&g...; is a warm autumn and <strong>winter boots</strong>, the more emphasis on style, a pair of winter can guarantee that your feet comfortable and warm, 09 new autumn and winter <strong>UGG boots</strong> snow is easier than ever with style snow boots! Fashion <a href="http://www.ugg24hours.com/ugg-lo-pro-button-c-27.h... boots</strong></em></a> can not just to keep feet warm and you will find that they are out to dinner, on the dance floor, at work or even when on holiday either when skiing or on the beach. In a word, they can be worn in almost any weather without your feet getting either cold or overheated, and their neutral colour tones allow them to be worn with a wide variety of clothing, even True Religion Jeans .No matter what look you are trying to achieve, the<a href="http://www.ugg24hours.com/ugg-sundance-c-5.html&qu...; Ugg boot</strong></em></a> can help you to achieve it.UGG,the warmest present in this winter. Log in <a href="www.ugg24hours.com"><em><strong&g...;
# Posted By ugg24hours | 10/28/09 8:06 PM
[Add Comment]