They're both mad at me because "Clouds" and "Jupiter" didn't exactly wow anybody at the science fair.

Apparently, this is my fault. Lame topic. Lame execution. How did the never-good-enough world of advertising bleed into my parenting responsibilities, again?

So here's how it went:

ERIC: Nobody liked my presentation. They thought it sucked. Will won first place for making electricity with lemons.

ME: Sorry.

ABBEY: We didn't win! Everybody voted on Nicholas' project as the best. We wasted our time!

ME: Sorry.

Oh well, at least they learned something. Next year we'll all try to be more exciting.

PANIC: What do you mean Abbey didn't arrive at the after-school program with the other kids? She's always right on time. No, I'm sure she didn't stay late to talk to a teacher. Oh sure, go ahead and overhead-page her.

RELIEF: Wait a second. She said she wanted to go with her friend after school today, and I clearly said no. I clearly said there's no way I could leave work to pick her up at 4pm. She was pissed. But I was firm. Maybe I should just call that other mom .... who of course has my daughter at her house, safe and sound.

RETRIBUTION: Hmmmm.... What to do about this, now?

DR EVIL SAYS: "Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo-fo. I had to pop a cop cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. No? I've heard that somewhere."

UPDATE: Apparently I had something to do with this by saying, "Yes honey you can go to your friend's house, but not tomorrow. I'll call her mom and we'll pick a different time." Abbey quit listening after "yes" - and I forgot to call the other mom. Hence, I did NOT take away her birthday over this.

Read that line in a poem once, and thought it was beautiful. So couldn't resist taking this picture today.

Must be a great place to sleep ... but doesn't look that comfy to me.

SORT OF RELATED: Zeeky gets his manhood removed tomorrow ... but no declawing. Colton tearfully talked me out of it. (In truth, it wasn't that hard.)

OH WHILE TYPING THIS POST: "My god does anybody flush in this house?" (via Tim)

UPDATE JAN 18: The new-and-improved Zeeky is home - with a $140 bill, 4 syringes of kitty pain meds and a "Certificate of Sterility." Regarding that last, I thought it would be more ornate.

Just can't think of anything to say. But here's a few highlights:

(1) We're watching my mom's cat while she goes to Vegas with her boyfriend. So three kids and three cats. And get this - all the cats eat different types of food. It's been sorta crazy-ass, but the fact my mom's cat spends 23.5 hours a day hiding under Abbey's bed keeps things relatively calm.

(2) Yup. You heard right. Mom is going to Vegas with her boyfriend. For 2 weeks. She's the last person I'd expect to go there - - but she's dragging him to the Steinbeck Museum somewhere in California for at least a day, while they're road-tripping about, so I'm betting he'll get his share of chick destinations.

(3) Mollie was here with Tom and all the kids. They arrived late (20" of snow will do that) - so a few less days - but it was awesome. I spent the entire day after they left in bed, feeling sorry for myself.

(4) Seriously. That's it. I have no news - and apparently no life to go with it. But at least there's nothing bad to report, so will take what i can get.

(Free admission. Free parking. Free kids activities. We did buy 1 Dr. Pepper and 1 bottle of water to pass around like hobos on a train. Thanks Recession 2009 and the local Jaycees!)

[More]

lookwhatyouvegot.com

IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED: Click here to link to The Donald. (hint: he's totally down with executive pay caps)

Playing "Laser Battle" at the table and "Runescape" online ... Colton says something about swords and zombies, but it's supposedly a medieval game.

Reading books ...

Elixir of life...

SIDE NOTE: I spend most of the day without my glasses on. Everything was fuzzy - and therefore I couldn't see what needed to be cleaned up. It was such a great feeling. I didn't stress at all until had to put on the specs to drive to Wal-mart at 2:00. Am going to try to do that more often. (The not seeing so well part, not the driving to Walmart part.)

Wish I could go all fuzzy mentally sometimes ... but I think that's what wine/beer is for, and I sorta promised myself I wouldn't do THAT anymore.

itnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme it'snotallaboutmeitnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme it'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeitnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutme it'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeitnotallaboutme itsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme itnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme itnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme it'snotallaboutmeitnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme it'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeitnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutme it'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeitnotallaboutme itsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme itnotallaboutmeitsnotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutmeit'snotallaboutme OHCRAPTHISISNOTWORKING.Time to go get more coffee.

(Image found via thegrouchygamer.

Hi! If anyone missed me, I'm back online. As Jim Anchower says... "Been a long time since I rapped at ya."

Hope everyone had a great holiday. Mine didn't go quite as expected, but what ever does? I'll put it all in bullet point form for you after the jump.

[More]

So I went home to decorate cookies with the kids over lunch (INSANE IDEA by the way) and this is what the boys made:

FULL DISCLOSURE: 'Cause I said, "don't make any yellow santas!" My fault, really. This is probably like the wedgies at school, and subsequent behavior slip for LIttle E. Again, caused by me and my sick sense of humor.

SIDE NOTE: It's FREEZING! What on earth are you supposed to do with kids who've barely been outside in a week? If you live with me, you FEED THEM SUGAR. Things are sure to turn out fine.

[More]